Baby Loss Awareness Week 2019
Dear Jude,
It’s over a year since we were last together, sometimes it feels like a different lifetime and sometimes it seems like it was only yesterday. My heart will always be broken and I miss you every day. It scares me to think that my memories of you will fade with time. We are lucky to have photographs but they will never feel enough. I should have more than memories, I should have you.
Your big sister makes us proud every day, she tells people about you and strives to help other siblings missing someone too. Your little sister is here, she brings us so much joy and happiness but she reminds me of how much we have missed. All of her little quirks and milestones makes me questions what life would be like with you here too.
We don’t need an awareness week to recognise the piece missing from our family. It is so difficult to explain to others why I miss you so much that it hurts, when we had so little time together. I miss the future we should have had together, the hopes and dreams I had for you.
All my love,
Mummy
October is Baby Loss Awareness Month, there is a focus on one week which culminates in an International Wave to commemorate all babies who sadly died too soon. It takes place at 7pm on 15 October. To join simply light a candle at 7pm local time on 15th October and leave it burning for at least one hour. You will be joining a global ‘Wave of Light’ in memory of all the babies who lit up our lives for such a short time.
Joining in with the Wave of Light is just one way you can support friends and family who have experienced baby loss. As bereaved families we don’t need to be made any more aware of the little ones missing from our lives, but we use this month to raise awareness of how others can get support and be supportive.
So, what on earth do you do when someone you know has lost a baby? When the unthinkable has happened how do you find the right words to say? In the early days keep in touch with them, little and often. Don’t intrude but also don’t give up. Try and understand that grieving parent’s feelings change all the time and your help may not be needed one week but highly valued the next. Cards, flowers, meals, gifts will all be valued (unless they’ve specifically said not to) it can be such a lonely time these little gestures will mean the world. Take their lead, ask them if they would like to speak about their baby, if they use their baby’s name, follow suit.
Further down the line significant dates and events can be very difficult and when friends and family acknowledge them it is really special. Bereaved parents don’t have the opportunity to make new memories so instead they value keeping the memory alive. Cards, flowers, keepsakes, writing their name in the sand or a photo when you see a special sign or symbol. A simple gesture will have a great impact on the family.
Finally, please know that just because a family has gone on to have a baby following their loss (often called a rainbow baby) is not a replacement. It is still just as vital to remember all of their children as that heartbreak doesn’t disappear because someone new to love comes along.
For more help and support –
Norfolk and Norwich Baby Bereavement Group – https://www.facebook.com/nnhbbg
Norfolk Miscarriage Support – https://www.facebook.com/NorfolkMiscarriageSupport/
Norfolk SANDS – http://www.norfolksands.org.uk/
Tommy’s – https://www.tommys.org/
Time Norfolk – https://timenorfolk.org.uk/
A message from Mumbler, Tanya:
I lost my little boy Isaac at 19 weeks of pregnancy on 29th July 2018. I didn’t know where to turn and who to talk too. I just felt no one really understood how much it hurt. Someone then suggested I contact TimeNorfolk. They are the only baby loss counselling service in Norfolk. They were amazing. It was so nice to speak to someone who wasnt friends or family. I found out I was pregnant with my little girl whilst having those sessions and they helped me with the anxiety of that pregnancy too. TimeNorfolk rely only on donations and the need for this charity is unfortunately high.
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tanya-laws
